This year, I’d like to come back and draw energy from an early aspiration that kept me on the Path. It wasn’t in order to get enlightened (although that would be lovely). It wasn’t in order to get some out-of-body experience or bliss. It wasn’t in order to get approval from others (though I’m sure that motivation was lurking around somewhere). No – I treasure mindfulness, because it allows me to fully live every moment of my limited life.
It’s not even about Buddhism, even though I am a Buddhist. In fact, I feel like my Buddhist explorations – learning about the concepts in Buddhist teachings and technical terms describing meditation experiences – while useful, can distract me from just doing the damn thing. Instead of getting lost in thoughts about work and relationships, I would get lost in thoughts about the Dharma or about logistics of a meditation group that I’m organizing. Instead of just relaxing into the present moment, I would think about how to relax or question if I’m doing it right. No wonder why life feels a little boring recently – I’ve been playing the same old track of stories on loop!
In 2023, I started reciting the Five Remembrances everyday. One of the remembrances is: “I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.” I wonder if I’d be content to go if death was to come the next day, or even the next breath. Would you?
Living fully, as inspiring as it sounds, can be a little scary in practice, especially for a mind that craves certainty and control. “Relaxing into the present moment” may feel a little disorienting when you discover that the present moment changes faster than you can grasp onto it, and that, as soon as you realize it, the next moment is already here. But with repeated exposure, as your mind learns to relax its grip on the every-shifting flow of moments and enjoy the show, fear transforms into contentment. Life is not in the completion of your 5-year-plan or new year’s resolutions or even your daily to-do list: life is right here, and if you are present for it, even while doing something as mundane as sitting and typing on your laptop (like what I’m doing now), it will course through you with freshness, joy, and meaning.
So, this year, I want to tell myself: Enjoy Being Alive! Just Do It Already!
